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Harvey Mackay’s Column This Week

Spread the word: don’t gossipOne day in ancient Greece an acquaintance met the great philosopher Socrates and said,

“Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple Filter?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

There would be no or little gossip if everyone followed Socrates’ Triple Filter Test. But that is not the case. Gossip runs rampant.

It’s no wonder legendary American humorist Erma Bombeck said: “Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.”

Someone has calculated that, if a rumor was started at midday, and was repeated within two seconds by everyone who heard it to two other people, who repeated it and kept the cycle going, by about 6:30 p.m. the same day everyone on earth would have heard it.

Of course, the Internet has brought gossiping up to warp speed. A rumor posted online can make it around the world in milliseconds. And although the post may seem anonymous and, therefore, “safe,” the damage is potentially irreparable. Snopes, the urban legends reference site, can’t debunk everything, after all.

Office gossip in particular is a major concern for a number of reasons. The Triple Filter Test could prevent plenty of misunderstandings and hard feelings in the workplace, where teamwork and cooperation are often central to productivity. How does someone work with another who insists on passing along information that may not be true, good or useful?

Spreading rumors about co-workers can create a hostile environment that customers will pick up on. This is a good reason for avoiding gossip. Plus the fact that I’ve seen many deals go down, due to gossip.

As advice columnist Dear Abby said, “It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself.”

So clean up your act! The Triple Filter Test is simple to use. Truth alone is not enough reason to spread gossip. Who doesn’t have an embarrassing truth that they want to remain private? And while good news may seem harmless enough, is it your news to share? But perhaps the most compelling reason to avoid gossip is the usefulness test. How will the information be used? I’m betting it won’t be for positive reasons.

Maybe you’ve heard about the three ministers who went fishing. They were good friends, each of whom was a pastor at different churches in the same town. While they were fishing they began confessing their sins to each other.

The first pastor said, “Do you know what my big sin is? My big sin is drinking. I know it’s wrong, but every Friday night I drive to a city where no one will recognize me, and I go to a saloon and get drunk. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. It’s my big sin.”

The second pastor said, “Well, to be honest with you, I’ve got a big sin too. My big sin is gambling. As a matter of fact, you know all the money I raised for that mission trip to India? I took it to Las Vegas instead and lost it all. I’m so ashamed. My big sin is gambling.”

Finally it was the third pastor’s turn. He said, “Guys, I probably should have gone first, because my big sin is gossiping.”

Mackay’s Moral: A word can be more powerful than a sword.

What Are You Putting Off? How to Get On With It in 3 Steps

Posted: 28 Nov 2009 07:07 AM PST

Most of us put things off. Sometimes, we put off getting started or making progress on big projects… and other times, we put off small tasks that sound simple on paper but seem like a big effort to do.

The problem is, the more we put something off, the harder it is to get going on it. Our resistance to doing it gets greater and greater … and often, the task becomes more difficult or more unpleasant the longer we put it off.

Maybe we’re putting off a trip to the dentist because we’d rather not have to pay for any treatment (but the longer we leave it, the more it’s likely to cost). Maybe we’re putting off phoning that disgruntled customer (but the longer we leave it, the more likely they are to get even more annoyed … and get in touch with our boss).

Whatever you’re putting off today, here’s a three-step process to getting on with it.

1. Figure Out Why
   Firstly, there’s always a reason why you’re putting something off. Don’t dismiss your reluctance or resistance to something as being “stupid” or inexplicable. It might not seem logical, but there’s often a good reason behind it.

   Get honest here. What’s the benefit of not getting that task done?

   • If you don’t start your diet, you can keep on eating whatever you want, whenever you want
   • If you don’t read that book for school, you’ll have more time to play computer games
   • If you don’t make that phone call, you won’t have to face possible rejection
   • If you don’t start writing your novel, you’ll never have to face up to the fact that you might not be as good a writer as you want to be (yet)
   • If you don’t quit smoking, you won’t have to go through withdrawal symptoms and you’ll still have your stress-relief

   Just figuring out the reason why can help you break down your resistance to the task. If you admit that you’re putting off that phone call because it’s scary (not because it’s going to take five hours or cost you a fortune in call charges or something), it’s easier to rise above your fear.

2. Break It Down
   The next step is to break your task down. A lot of the tasks we put off are difficult because we’re not clear about what we actually need to do to complete them. We’re not just putting off acting – we’re putting off the hard thinking work that needs to go in.

   By breaking a task into bite-sized chunks, it’s much easier to cut down the resistance. If you have “write my resume” on your task list for today, you’ll almost instantly start feeling reluctant to do it. You’ve got no idea how much work needs to go in, and you don’t know where to begin.

   Instead, break that task into chunks, perhaps like this:

   • List all my qualifications
   • Find the dates and details for my work history
   • Email two potential referees to ensure they’re happy to provide a reference
   • Brainstorm about the skills I’ve gained from volunteering

   … and so on.

   It doesn’t look so daunting now, does it?

3. Take the First Action
   The third step is to simply do the first task on that broken-down list. Don’t think too hard about it: the more you think about how much work it’ll be or how much you dislike it, the more difficult it will be to get started.

   Just take the plunge! Jump right in and get going – and you’ll find that your resistance to the task vanishes almost straight away.

Bonus Step: Get Over Yourself
If you still feel stuck, this might be why: In a lot of cases, your reason for resisting a task might simply be that it seems, well, boring or hard or not much fun at all.

Sometimes, you just have to get over yourself and accept that you do have to do some hard things in order to reach your goals. In fact, most goals worth achieving will not be easy 100% of the time.

Naomi Dunford (from the must-read small business marketing blog IttyBiz) puts this way better than I could:

Every time you don’t want to do something, think you shouldn’t have too, or find yourself using words like “uncomfortable” or “nervous”, run your excuses through the Fourth Grade BS Detector.

Would an entrepreneurial 10-year-old agree with your logic or would they hear, “But I don’t waaaaaaaaaaaaaaanna”?

Choose your next actions accordingly.

(Naomi Dunford, Introducing the Incredible Business-Building Bullshit Detector, IttyBiz)

What are you putting off today? Why? How does it break down? What’s the first step? Tell us about it in the comments!

Written on 11/28/2009 by Ali Hale. Ali is a professional writer and blogger, and a part-time postgraduate student of creative writing. If you need a hand with any sort of written project, drop her a line (ali@aliventures.com) or check out her website at Aliventures.